


go find yourself so i can love you for who you are

by wonderwall_mp4



Series: lucifer [5]
Category: Lucifer (TV)
Genre: AU after 4x10, F/F, Maeve - Freeform, eve wearing maze's jacket that is all, mazieve, mazikeve
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-24
Updated: 2019-12-24
Packaged: 2021-02-26 07:46:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,883
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21939916
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wonderwall_mp4/pseuds/wonderwall_mp4
Summary: eve leaves, but even los angeles is cold without her lover.for chloe, for germ lovebots secret santa <3
Relationships: Eve/Mazikeen (Lucifer TV)
Series: lucifer [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1487516
Comments: 2
Kudos: 74





	go find yourself so i can love you for who you are

**Author's Note:**

  * For [cchloeewatson](https://archiveofourown.org/users/cchloeewatson/gifts).



Eve was nearly halfway across Los Angeles when the night chill began to seep into her bones. She felt exposed, and the cold wasn’t helping. Los Angeles was a lot warmer when you had a nice place to sleep and you were surrounded by friends, but Eve supposed she would have to get used to this feeling, the feeling of being surrounded by nothing but open air and tall, unforgiving buildings and no one but strangers to talk to.

Eve sat down on a park bench and rummaged in the bag she had taken from Lux, which contained only a few outfits and her ukulele, and in the bottom, wrapped in Maze’s Miss Rodeo sash, the bottle of maroon nail polish that Maze painted her nails with the night Lucifer broke up with her. It was stupid and sentimental, she knew, but it was the only point in her time in Los Angeles that she had truly felt understood. She took a shaky breath and tucked it back away.

She had stopped by the penthouse to pick up her things, and found Chloe slumped against the glass wall that surrounded the balcony. “He’s gone,” she said, looking up at Eve with dull eyes. “He went to Hell.” And after that, Eve knew for certain she couldn’t stay, so she took her things and left. (And she took one of his credit cards, which she felt kind of bad about, but it wasn’t like he was using them anyway.) But now, looking in her pack, she didn’t think she even owned a jacket. How could she not own a jacket?

Now that she thought about it, she realized that whenever she started to get cold, Maze would somehow know and toss her whatever jacket she happened to be wearing. “Can it, princess,” she’d growl whenever Eve opened her mouth to protest. “Lucifer might maim me if you freeze into a little human icicle.” Even though Maze was gruff and the sleeves were always much too long, and Eve still wasn’t quite sure what an icicle was, she always felt like she was being warmed more from the inside than the jacket itself when she was wearing one of Maze’s. She missed that tall, charming, grumbly, annoyingly cute, violent (yet gentle to Eve) demon so much already, and Eve knew that the half-empty nail polish wouldn’t be enough to keep Maze close for however long she was gone.

And she needed a jacket anyway…

Maze wouldn’t miss  _ one _ . Right?

So Eve began the trek back across the city to Linda’s house, which was closer than the penthouse. Eve was tired, and sore, and a little hungry, and she honestly thought her great self-discovery journey would be more exciting than this. But she steeled herself: she’d sneak into Maze’s room, take one of her hundreds of leather jackets, snatch a couple of Linda’s divine brownies from the fridge, and be out before any of them realized the window was open. Then, she would get a giant hotel suite, Lucifer’s treat, enjoy some room service and brownies, and find a flight out of LA late in the day. It was a genius plan.

Unlocking the window from the outside like Maze had once taught her (she had heard Linda and Maze’s conversations about getting better security often, Maze always insisted Linda didn’t need security when she had her and now that was working out for Eve) she hooked her nails around the screen and popped it out, inching herself through the window. With a grunt, she came through and landed in a heap on the floor, her dress wrapped around her head. “Nailed it,” she mumbled to herself, muffled by the fabric.

As she sat up in the guest bedroom, she was overwhelmed by the familiarity of Maze. It was minimalistic, nothing but a few of Trixie’s drawings and a picture of her and Lucifer tacked on the dark purple wall. The floor was littered with all kinds of different weapons, the wardrobe was open, and the sheets on the bed were mussed. And, of course, everything smelled like her. Eve remembered sleeping in that bed the night after Lucifer broke up with her. With nowhere to go, she had turned to Maze, and she had taken her in and tried her best to comfort her. She had painted her nails, and put on a movie and lent her clothes, and Eve had fallen asleep on the couch against her shoulder and woken up in the bad with Maze on the other side, curled up with her back to her. The memory was so real and hurt so much she almost burst into tears right there. How could she have been so stupid? How could she have done the exact wrong thing every time she made a choice?

No time for sentimentality, she rationalized. She should just grab a jacket and go. She picked her way through the room and began to slide the hangers aside in the wardrobe to look at Maze’s jackets. All leather, as expected, but Eve found one that was more her style, a slim-fit one with a sheepskin lining. She hugged it to her chest. She did feel a little bad about taking Maze’s clothing, but she reminded herself that Maze was basically loaded and wouldn’t miss one of her 20 nigh-identical leather jackets.

“Eve?” Eve whirled around guiltily at the familiar voice, almost letting the jacket slip from her fingers, and there in the doorway was Maze. Of course. Why was she so surprised? It was her house.

“Oh. Hi, Maze. I was just leaving.” Eve made for the door, avoiding eye contact, but Maze’s hand connected with Eve’s shoulder. It wasn’t a shove, per se, but it made Eve stumble back a few paces.

“Why are you in my room? I thought you were leaving.” Eve forced herself to look up at her now. She looked like hell from the fight, bloodied, maybe a little less sober than she had been earlier, but she was still the most beautiful thing Eve had ever seen. “Are you stealing my shit?”

Eve hid the jacket behind her back. “No.”

Maze rolled her eyes. The affection Eve had seen there for her, the kindness, was all but vanished. “Whatever. Why are you taking it?”

“I- was cold?”

Maze shrugged. “Fine. Take it and go.” 

It was harsher than expected, said in that way where Maze was really trying to act like she didn’t care. Whether she actually did or not was a different story. “That… that’s it?” asked Eve in confusion. “You’re not mad?” Eve had never seen Maze when she wasn’t even a little mad. She seemed constantly pissed. But now she just seemed… tired. Had Eve done that to her?

“Of course I am. You’re leaving.” Maze crossed her arms.

“Why are you so hung up on me leaving?” Eve said, clutching the jacket with both hands.

Maze sighed. “I told you I had feelings for you and you’re still going to be this dense.”

Eve looked down at her stilettos. “I didn’t think they were... that strong. Not strong enough to be pissed at me for leaving, not like...” She didn’t want to say his name.

“Not strong?” Maze barked out a laugh. “You fucking kidding me? I’ve never let myself be played like you played me. Not once before I met you would singing a fucking song to a giant audience ever have crossed my mind. I don’t do the shit I did for you for just anyone. Not Lucifer, not Chloe, not even Linda. I was literally in  _ love _ with you, Eve.” Maze looked surprised at herself for even saying that.

Eve felt like all the air had been vacuumed out of her chest. “You what?”

“Love.” Maze looked away. “I don’t want to say it again if you’re not going to stay. So either leave or don’t.” Her voice was beginning to crack.

“I’m doing this for me,” Eve tried to explain, futile, since the damage was already done. “I’m not doing it to hurt you, okay? Nothing I’ve ever done has been to hurt you.”

“And yet it seems like that’s all it does.” Maze stepped aside. “So what are you going to do?”

“Maze, please. This isn’t fair,” pleaded Eve.

Maze’s mouth twisted. “Nothing’s fair.”

“I’m sorry, Maze, but I have to go.” Eve stepped forward and placed a hand on her shoulder. Maze looked like she wanted to shake it off, but she didn’t. “You understand that, right? Changing yourself, your whole existence, to serve someone? You did it with Lucifer.” Eve realized something right then. “Hell, you even started to do it with me.”

“I-” Maze blinked, her uncaring facade beginning to falter. “That’s not-”

“You had to start bounty hunting to get yourself a life outside of being his thug. For me…” she dropped the jacket on the ground, reached up and cupped Maze’s face in her hands, tracing her thumb over the cut that had long since stopped dripping blood down her cheek, the blood that had mingled and dried with tears to cover bruises she had earned from fixing Eve’s selfish mistake. “I have to leave Los Angeles, because I came here for him. I came here for him, and if I stayed, it would be for you. And because if I stay for you, I’m just going to end up hurting you more.”

“You want to stay.” It wasn’t a question.

“Yeah.” Eve let out a bitter laugh, choked by a sob that had just begun to form in her throat. “But all I’ve ever done is hurt. You understand that more than anyone, I think.”

“I… I know why you need to go.”

“Then why are you angry?” asked Eve.

Maze closed her eyes. “Because I don’t want you to.”

Eve couldn’t quite articulate what she wanted to say in that moment, so she drew Maze’s face down into a kiss. It was everything their previous kiss hadn’t been, gentle and sad and hopeful all at once. Maze’s hands gripped the small of Eve’s back, holding on for dear life, and then it was over. Their faces were wet with tears. Whether it was Maze’s, Eve’s, or both of theirs, neither of them knew.

“I’ll be back someday. Someday soon,” said Eve.

Maze nodded slowly. “Okay.”

“I’ll send letters.”

“Okay,” she said again. She looked down at Eve like she couldn’t decide whether to be heartbroken or happy, and picked up the jacket. “Don’t forget about me?” She held the jacket out to her.

Eve accepted the gift and slipped it on. “I don’t think that’s possible.” She took one last look at the demon. Eve wanted so badly to tell her she loved her, because she did, so much more than anyone else she thought she had loved. But she knew it would hurt Maze too deeply, and she knew if she said it, she would never be able to leave. So for once in her very long life, the first woman stayed silent. All she said was simply, “goodbye, Maze.” before picking up her pack, walking past Maze and into the kitchen, then out Linda’s front door, walking towards her new life. For real this time.


End file.
